If only I had known when I was a kid...

Being an adult is no fun. Well apart from the alcohol and stuff, and being able to drive to the liquor store to get more alcohol. I really didn't appreciate what I had when I was young. Remember when you were a kid and you didn't like something;you would have a little fit and what would happen? They would send you to your room! That was the worst punishment EVER!! I want that system back...when life doesn't go my way and I have a little fit or I cry, please, PLEASE send me to my room! I promise to pretend I am completely insulted that you would do such a thing, but for the love of god - send me to my room. And remember if you were tired and you acted all cranky? What would adults say? You need a nap! Dear god I need a nap right now, I am tired and cranky - where the hell is my nap?! I mean I could nap, but they frown on it at work, and when I try to nap at home I usually end up with a child beside me telling me about their day. And I have to act like I am interested! why? because I am an adult! I say again, being an adult is no fun. And don't get me started on the eating. I remember going to the movies with my mom when I was younger and getting an oh Henry chocolate bar. I couldn't eat it all - I ate half and gave the rest to my mom. Now I can eat four of them, no problem (not that I do - don't judge me). I may feel like puking afterwards but that doesn't mean I won't eat them. If they are there they get eaten. And of course now it all goes directly to my ever expanding belly! It didn't matter what I ate as a kid, I always heard "oh she is so skinny". And when you were little if you peed your pants it was kind of expected. Everybody has those mistakes when they are just learning. Now if I sneeze I run the risk of peeing, and people aren't so understanding about it when you are in your 40's. Keegals are bullshit after two kids by the way. I think we should have one day a week where we are treated like children. I vote for today and I am sending myself for a two hour nap!

This is a bummer post so if you don't want to be bummed out...move along to another blogger please. I did do Greco yesterday at lunch and again this morning. And I feel pretty good about myself in that regards. I went for a run the other day with Callie my dog but apparantly huskies decide at the 2 mile mark that they should lie down and rest for a while, and you don't get a say in the matter. Anyway, so what has me bummed? Well Claude has been fighting cancer for 3 years now, and although he has felt like utter crap lately, he has had a long break from treatment and was starting to have some enjoyment in life again. He has been "sick" with a flu bug that wouldn't go away and he kept saying to me that the cancer was in his chest, and I reminded him that he had just had a chest xray. Now this chest xray was done a little out of order than usual. The normal system is you get a requisition for all of your tests a couple of days before your appointment with the oncologist. Now this time they sent a request for an ultrasound and that was it. We went to the appointment and were asked why he didn't go for a chest xray. Ummmm because nobody told him to?! OK so now whenever you get a requesition for a test, you are automatically supposed to go for a chest xray...they won't waste time telling you this. OK this system is flawless except for one tiny detail - nobody told the patient about the new system. OK so here we are with no chest xray so the oncologist says that he can go have it done immediately and they will call if there is anything of concern. This was 6 weeks ago and no call - phew. Yesterday Claude had an appt with his GP. Now I don't go to those appts, he is a big boy and can handle them on his own. But this one was different. His GP was copied on the xray results, and it would appear they weren't good. I don't know the specifics since Claude decided to go have a few drinks after his appt (who can blame him) and when I finally saw him at 10:30 he had drunk quite a few. It would appear that there are spots on his lungs and something in some nodes. These will need to be confirmed but it really isn't looking good. I don't know what else to say...I feel numb again. This is stuff you just never seem to get used to. Thanks god for my little white pills!

Eye candy makes a workout just that much better!

So I went to a different Greco location this morning for the first time, and I gotta tell ya, I liked it! I mean ok the workout wasn't any harder or different but holy whoa the trainers are freakin adorable. It's always nice to have a pleasant view when working out, it can make all the difference! When I started at Greco they did the whole weight, BMI, body fat percentage thing on me and I was 200 pounds with 40% body fat. That is like 80 pounds of fat!! That is a freakin fourth grader for shit sake! Whoa - wakeup call anyone? So today I thought you know, I've been doing this shit for 4 whole classes now I must have lost at least half my body fat! So I asked the pretty girl (but not as pretty as the trainer) sitting at the Greco desk if I could use the body fat thingy-doo. So she does the weight and height and gives it to me and it says...are you ready...33.7%....WOW! I am awesome! I am a machine! ummm wait a second....that's like 14 pounds of fat that I supposedly turned to muscle??? yeah ummm no...not buying it. But the girl at the desk (you remember her, the pretty one that isn't as pretty as the two trainers), is all like "oh no hon that is totally possible". So this afternoon I took a little walk to my usual Greco location to do the fat test thingy-doo. Yeah I went down 1.2%. Well that is more like it. I mean if I lost too much body fat after only 4 classes I'm am going to have to slow down and not work as hard people!!!! We wouldn't want me to be too gorgeous now would we?...I would overshadow my beautiful daughters. I'll take the small change in body fat and the tiny weight difference that went with it and stay positive! I am over my flu (or whatever the hell that was), so now I can start to really hit Greco hard!! Now if only the rest of my family can recover from this crappy flu, I'll be a happy camper!

I knew I didn't like burpees but now I know I hate them

Ok Greco dudes - again with the jumping jacks??? and then in the change room some ladies (who I have to say are in amazing shape - wait that sounds creepy I wasn't stalking them in the change room - I was watching them during class - wait no, still creepy - just forget I brought it up)...anyway these ladies have told the trainers about the pee issue! HELLO! we should all just pee on the floor and let them wipe it up, then they will get it! Pee-inducing jumping jacks aside, I gotta say the trainers are awesome. The one who did my session yesterday (he sounds like Badger from Breaking Bad so I'll call him Badger) came to me at every exercise to make sure my form was correct. It never was. Oh well that is what I am paying for right?! I am ok with most of the exercises, and by ok I mean that I don't look like a complete fool when I do them. Well maybe I do, I avoid looking in the mirrors but I didn't see anybody pointing and laughing so.... So they have us do the circuit and then Badger and "other trainer" (I don't think that is his given name but it is something like that), give us these "bonus" exercises that always seem to include getting up and down really fast (ie burpees). I am an overweight middle aged women...by definition I don't get up or down really fast, unless there are cookies. So once again I kind of bent over and hopped around to fool them into thinking I was either on my way up or on my way down. I call these ninja burpees because it is like I am doing them so fast, you don't see the actual burpee part. Of to karate tonight to practice fighting and maybe our kata 1 for the tournament this weekend. I still haven't told Claude I am actually entering the tournament and not just going with Caylie. We'll call this my little surprise for him! I know I won't win one fight and that I will probably burst out laughing in the middle of my kata but it might be just Steph, Beth and I in the newbee crazy lady category so I might still get a medal. Maybe if I add in some ninja burpees I'll have a better chance??!!

I'll be holding the pee in today thanks

OMG OMG OMG - ouch. Everything hurts today EVERYTHING!The deadly mix of Greco and then karate has made attempting to pee feel like the world's hardest squat! I know TMI right? As soon as I woke up this morning I thought uh-oh...today is gonna hurt. I think I'll take it pretty easy this afternoon, maybe a short run/walk with my dog (mostly walk I think) and then sit on my ass (which will be smaller soon), and watch Caylie's karate class! More Greco tomorrow at lunch!

Maybe they should just make bigger towels

Well I survived. I mean I skipped the last death session of burpees because like all normal people I hate burpees. Not to worry though I kind of kept moving and bending and hopping so I am sure nobody noticed. But I am getting ahead of myself here. First of all I have to thank James who took me to Greco last week and told me he would take me today so I wouldn't feel alone and scared. James bailed on me! I was alone and scared James...alone and scared. I hope you feel bad! It is ok though since Hugo was there to make sure I didn't make a fool of myself. And I almost didn't. For those of you who know me you know I have two things I absolutely do not do. The first is go on trampolines and the second is jumping jacks. This isn't by choice mind you. I mean who wouldn't love a fun romp on the trampoline. And we all know jumping jacks are an excellent warm up! But any women who has had children knows that both of these are just an "accident" waiting to happen, same as a sudden sneeze or cough. You can keegle all you want ladies - trampolines will still cause leakage! So off I go (without James - just sayin') to Greco on Sparks Street. I get changed, find Hugo (who reassured me I wouldn't make a fool of myself), and we go in to start class. The first thing I hear is "ok everybody, warm up, start with jumping jacks". I have never clenched so hard in my life, but I made it through (mainly because they only did about 10 of them). Things went well for most of the exercises and I must say that you do get an awesome workout. Now they did have this one exercise where you straddled a step that had 5 risers on it and then you came up from the straddle and jumped up with both feet. The demo looked so easy. They said if you can't jump up that you could step up one foot at a time. I thought this was probably the best option for me so that is what I did. But Hugo was in front of me. He was jumping up and it looked so easy. So I thought I would try it. I wasn't easy. Well I assume it wasn't easy...I couldn't do it. What I could do was jump and knock the step over. Hugo pretended not to notice (thanks for that by the way). Now at the end of the class they give you a towel to go have a shower. The towel looked to be a fair size but it didn't quite cover me :( So folks I have a new 10 week goal to go with my 10 pounds - at the end of the 10 weeks I want the towel to fit!! Wish me luck!

This is NOT a weight loss blog...

If you are coming here looking for weight loss tips and suggestions...you may want to try another blog. Actually if you find a blog that magically makes you lose weight, could you share it with me? OK I am a relatively fit person...I used to run up to 3 full marathons a year (I still run but shorter distances); I do karate (although I don't do it well); I swim (very slowly); I do all kinds of aerobic classes (where I go at the back of the room and cheat whenever possible); and I do weights (which I hate but am told that is the way to lose weight). Did you see that list? Holy shit I am a freakin' impressive bitch aren't I?! I mean I must be rock solid and weigh 120 pounds of complete muscle. I must look like one of those girls in the fitness ads. Ummm...no. I am 200 pounds of flippy floppy fat. When I look in a mirror my eyes go straight to the tummy and I groan. And don't get me started on the boobs! Perky is not a word I (or anybody) would use to describe my body. Damn you Sir Isaac Newton and damn your gravity as well. Gravity is a bitch! Now even if I don't give it my all 100% of the time, I do a lot of activities. So why am I cursed with all this flippy floppy weight?! I could give you my list of excuses which I regularly share with anybody I know. Lets see...there are the anti-depressants (everybody knows they make you gain weight), there is the benign tumour beside my thyroid which even though my doc says has no effect on my weight, I'm sure she is vindictively lying to me, there are genetics, there is all of the stress in my life from having cancer all around me...I could go on...but these are just what I called them...excuses. Ok, so I am going to be honest here. Why am I fat? Well chocolate of course, and then there is more chocolate, and more chocolate. And candy. lets not forget the candy! Then there is the procrastination, also called lazyness. I mean really; I could get up early and go for a run...or I could have more sleep. What is with these people that hop out of bed at disgusting hours (that would be anything before noon) to go work out? I will proctrastinate as much as possible before I head to the gym. Don't get me wrong, I do go, I just tend to also find excuses not to go (like napping). So here is the deal. I just signed up at Greco here in Ottawa. This place has a reputation for working you hard. They also track your weight, body fat and overall fitness and go through eating habits etc. We have all done classes where you hide in the back and cheat on the yucky moves (burpees). I think at Greco they stand there and yell at you. Now I'm not sure if this method will work for me, it may just make me cry. But I am willing to try. I'm not doing a blogertizment for Greco, that isn't my purpose. But if I put myself out there and be brutally honest, maybe I'll have better results and lose a few of those flippy floppy pounds. I know it won't be quick and easy. I have signed up for a 10 week plan...so I hope to lose 50 pounds in that time. Just kidding, 10 pounds. That is my goal. Now I had the same goal 2 months ago and I only have 15 pounds to go before I lose that 10 pounds. Ok so are we ready? Squeel! I can feel the pounds melting as we speak!!!!